The Identity Shift: How Bibliotherapy Helps You Reclaim Who You Are Beyond Roles, Trauma, and Survival
“I Don’t Know Who I Am Anymore.”
The Reader didn’t say it dramatically. Just honestly.“I know who I’ve been for other people. I know what I’ve had to do to survive. I know my roles, my responsibilities, my history. But when everything quiets down…I don’t actually know who I am.”
Dr. Dubin nodded. “That’s not a personal failure. That’s what happens when identity forms under pressure.”
Dr. Sidor: “Identity shaped by trauma, caregiving, or survival often becomes functional rather than authentic” (Erikson, 1968).
The Reader frowned. “So, I didn’t lose myself?”
Dr. Dubin: “No. You learned how to adapt.”
Why Identity Gets Lost in Adulthood
Reader: “I thought identity was something you figured out when you were young.”
Dr. Sidor: “Identity is not fixed. It’s continually revised based on experience, meaning, and narrative” (McAdams, 2001).
Dr. Dubin: “And when life demands endurance, trauma, caregiving, systemic pressure, identity often goes quiet so survival can take over.”
Reader: “That explains why I feel… empty, but functional.”
Dr. Dubin: “That’s not emptiness. That’s unexpressed selfhood.”
Why Talking About Identity Often Fails
Reader: “I’ve tried journaling, therapy, and reflection. It feels abstract.”
Dr. Sidor: “Because identity isn’t accessed through analysis alone. It’s accessed through story” (Bruner, 1990).
Dr. Dubin: “We know who we are by recognizing ourselves in narratives, and not by listing traits.”
Reader: “So identity comes back through recognition?”
Dr. Dubin: “Yes. Through resonance, not instruction.”
Why Bibliotherapy Rebuilds Identity Gently
Reader: “So reading helps me find myself?”
Dr. Sidor: “Stories activate narrative identity networks in the brain, helping people integrate past, present, and future selves” (Mar, Oatley, & Peterson, 2009).
Dr. Dubin: “You try on perspectives safely. You remember forgotten parts. You imagine who you might become, without pressure.”
Reader: “That feels… relieving.”
Dr. Dubin: “Because identity returns when it’s invited, not demanded.”
From Survival Identity to Chosen Identity
Reader: “I’ve been who I needed to be. Not who I chose to be.”
Dr. Sidor: “That distinction matters. Survival identities keep us alive. Chosen identities allow us to live.”
Dr. Dubin: “Stories model this transition beautifully, characters discovering they are more than what happened to them.”
Reader: “So I’m allowed to outgrow who I had to be?”
Dr. Dubin: “Yes. Growth is not betrayal.”
The Existential Layer: You Are Not Your History
The Reader sat quietly. “So bibliotherapy isn’t about reinventing myself…”
Dr. Sidor: “No. It’s about remembering yourself.”
Dr. Dubin: “Identity is not something you manufacture. It’s something you uncover.”
The Reader nodded. “So, I don’t have to prove who I am.”
Dr. Dubin: “No. You just have to listen.”
Reflection Prompts
Which roles have defined you more than your essence?
Which stories have helped you feel recognized rather than instructed?
Who might you become if survival were no longer the primary driver?
Selected References
Bruner, Jerome. Acts of Meaning. Harvard University Press, 1990.
Erikson, Erik H. Identity: Youth and Crisis. W. W. Norton & Company, 1968.
McAdams, Dan P. “The Psychology of Life Stories.” Review of General Psychology, vol. 5, no. 2, 2001, pp. 100–122.
Mar, Raymond A., Keith Oatley, and Jordan B. Peterson. “Exploring the Link between Reading and Empathy.” Journal of Research in Personality, vol. 43, no. 5, 2009, pp. 844–848.
Call to Action: Choose Yourself Again
If this article resonated, it’s because a part of you is ready to be more than a role.
Becoming the Very Best (SWEET Institute Publishing)
This book was written for people who:
feel competent but disconnected
have outgrown old identities
want clarity without pressure
are ready to express who they are, instead of performing who they’ve been
Get your copy today. Because identity doesn’t return through waiting. It returns through engagement.
Why Your Purchase Matters
Every book you buy supports:
clinicians and educators doing this work sustainably
fair compensation for staff
accessible mental health resources beyond traditional systems
This is how bibliotherapy becomes both personal healing and collective care.